This is something I have always known, but the concept finally crystallized yesterday as I was attempting to take the subway home... I had to work yesterday, even though it was a holiday (an entirely different rant involved there), and as I usually do I went down into the subway to catch the T home. By the time I walked the length of the station the announcement came on that the next train going my way was about to arrive. After about five minutes (I could see the train in the tunnel) another announcement came on that there was a delay.
By the time another five minutes had gone by, I was pacing like a caged animal. I was already stressed because of work, and the delay of the train only added to that. My pacing grew worse and I could almost feel my brain shorting. Every few minutes there was another announcement that there were switching problems causing the delay.
Finally I was fed up and left the station. As soon as I left the station, I started feeling better. I walked across the bridge, passing one train as it sit there waiting for the signal problems to be fixed. Eventually the train passed me, but I was nearly to the next station by that point. So I went into that station and it wasn't too long before I got on another train. Progress was slow, but steady.
As I paced, and walked and rode, I reflected how much I hate feeling trapped. For instance, traffic, I hate it. Not because of the time wasted and the morons surrounding me (although obviously those matter) but because I can't move as I want to move. In relatively light traffic, I find I pass people, just so they aren't in front of me, not necessarily because I want to drive faster, but because I want the option. If there are packs on the road, as there often are, I speed up or slow down so I am between the groups and not hemmed in.
At the movies, I sit near the aisle. I prefer sitting in the center, but I tend to sit close enough to the side that there is no one between me and the aisle. I haven't had to run to the bathroom during a movie for a long time, but I like to have the option of getting up easily. Same thing on airplanes, I always get the aisle seat. Generally I am fine during the flight, but once we land and everyone starts standing up, but the doors haven't opened, I feel my blood pressure rising. I just need to escape the plane.
But it isn't just physical confinement that bothers me. I also hate emotional, societal, and psychological confinement. In fact, sometimes the mental fetters are the oddest and most profound. For instance, I have always hated being labeled, or having someone comment that I always do something or that something is my favorite. I find that I change to avoid being that.
When I was young, I had a blanket (I still have it). When we would watch TV at night as a family, I would often get it out of my room and use it to keep warm and comfortable. One day my dad commented that it was a security blanket. I don't think he meant anything by the comment, but I stopped using that blanket when watching TV with the family.
That is probably the oddest/harshest aspect... That someone's expectations of what I am/like/do can somehow rob the enjoyment I take from being/liking/doing. Maybe if I can see that I am trapping myself I can sort this all out.
Because one of the things I have always felt was missing from my life was a sense of belonging. Perhaps trying to belong, felt too much like being trapped and it triggered panic. I have felt the sense of belonging, in small doses. Going to a restaurant and having the waitress know what I wanted to eat, and how I liked it.
A foolish constistency is the hobgoblin of little minds... What kind of mind is foolish inconsistency the hobgoblin of?
04 July 2009
18 May 2009
Sensitivity
I always thought things were supposed to dull over time. That we become inured to the things around us. Perhaps not just things...
But I've been finding that I seem to have become more sensitive to things. The other day I went to Roller Derby, and the people sitting next to me were smokers. I've always been sensitive to cigarette smoke, but it's getting ridiculous. Between matches, the people behind me left and were replaced with a whole row of smokers. By the time the second bout was over, I had to flee because I was getting an asthma attack from the smoke that lingered on them.
I've also noticed that I can sometimes smell my neighbors cooking from inside of my condo. The scent has to travel through two closed doors, across a hallway, and however far it is from their kitchen to their door.
It isn't just my sense of smell. I doubt if my hearing has actually gotten any better, but sounds, even subtle sounds pick at my attention. It amazes me when I can hear someone else's music on the subway, over the noise of the train and the music from my own earbuds.
Then there are people...
But I've been finding that I seem to have become more sensitive to things. The other day I went to Roller Derby, and the people sitting next to me were smokers. I've always been sensitive to cigarette smoke, but it's getting ridiculous. Between matches, the people behind me left and were replaced with a whole row of smokers. By the time the second bout was over, I had to flee because I was getting an asthma attack from the smoke that lingered on them.
I've also noticed that I can sometimes smell my neighbors cooking from inside of my condo. The scent has to travel through two closed doors, across a hallway, and however far it is from their kitchen to their door.
It isn't just my sense of smell. I doubt if my hearing has actually gotten any better, but sounds, even subtle sounds pick at my attention. It amazes me when I can hear someone else's music on the subway, over the noise of the train and the music from my own earbuds.
Then there are people...
02 May 2009
Mint Juleps and the Kentucky Derby
Today was the Kentucky Derby and in celebration (perhaps it would be more correct to say that the Derby inspired...) I made mint juleps and had some friends over. I had never had a mint julep before, let alone made one, so there was a learning curve involved.
The first thing I learned is that crushed ice is much better than regular ice. Nearly everyone commented that the further through the drink they got, the better the julep became. At first I thought it was a matter of mixing the drink, but later I became convinced it was the ice melting and mixing with the other ingredients, mellowing and accenting the flavors.
The big question on my mind was whether to bruise the mint or not. Really the jury is still out for the most part. I used infused simple syrup, rather than plain syrup. The infused syrup had nearly two days to absorb the essential oils from the mint leaves (both the bruised and unbruised). So the difference in flavor was relatively slight. Then there is the matter of the mint leaves turning black when they are crushed... Since I spooned the syrup in, I didn't need to spoon in the leaves, so there were no bits of black leaf in the drinks.
Of course, I also added leaves to the glasses. Here I believe there could have been a difference. If I had used a non-infused syrup, and unbruised leaf would not release much flavor in the course of drinking. But a good deal of the taste actually comes from the smell, so again it likely wouldn't make a big difference.
So, in conclusion, I would go with unbruised mint leaves more for the aesthetic values than the flavor, given the almost unnoticeable difference in the later.
As for the Derby... I don't know if it was the most exciting two minutes in sports, but it was definitely fun to watch. It was a very muddy track, and during the rather extensive pre-race coverage they showed the mud zambonie a number of times. I was pulling for "Hold me Back" but he was held back and didn't finish in the money.
The winner, "Mine That Bird" sparked much debate... Is the "Mine" the explosive type or the underground mineral deposit type, or simply the possessive form? Are we digging for birds? Taking birds into coal mines? Whatever the case may be, congratulations.
The first thing I learned is that crushed ice is much better than regular ice. Nearly everyone commented that the further through the drink they got, the better the julep became. At first I thought it was a matter of mixing the drink, but later I became convinced it was the ice melting and mixing with the other ingredients, mellowing and accenting the flavors.
The big question on my mind was whether to bruise the mint or not. Really the jury is still out for the most part. I used infused simple syrup, rather than plain syrup. The infused syrup had nearly two days to absorb the essential oils from the mint leaves (both the bruised and unbruised). So the difference in flavor was relatively slight. Then there is the matter of the mint leaves turning black when they are crushed... Since I spooned the syrup in, I didn't need to spoon in the leaves, so there were no bits of black leaf in the drinks.
Of course, I also added leaves to the glasses. Here I believe there could have been a difference. If I had used a non-infused syrup, and unbruised leaf would not release much flavor in the course of drinking. But a good deal of the taste actually comes from the smell, so again it likely wouldn't make a big difference.
So, in conclusion, I would go with unbruised mint leaves more for the aesthetic values than the flavor, given the almost unnoticeable difference in the later.
As for the Derby... I don't know if it was the most exciting two minutes in sports, but it was definitely fun to watch. It was a very muddy track, and during the rather extensive pre-race coverage they showed the mud zambonie a number of times. I was pulling for "Hold me Back" but he was held back and didn't finish in the money.
The winner, "Mine That Bird" sparked much debate... Is the "Mine" the explosive type or the underground mineral deposit type, or simply the possessive form? Are we digging for birds? Taking birds into coal mines? Whatever the case may be, congratulations.
30 April 2009
Swine Flu and Mint Juleps
The other day at lunch, I saw a girl walking through with a mask on. It could be for some reason other than swine flu fears, but it seemed too coincidental. It really amazes me how crazy the whole world seems to be getting about the "swine" flu. I've read a lot of articles about the flu, about how it's becoming a pandemic, etc. But more and more of the articles, rightly so, are concentrating on downplaying the threat.
First of all, calling it swine flu is a misnomer. It is a flu that can live in people, birds and swine, but there hasn't been a documented case in swine! Secondly, the flu isn't that deadly. Annually the normal flu kills tens of thousands of people in the US alone, the so called swine flu is still in the double digits.
It really bothers me all the fear-mongering going around about the swine flu. Before that it was the avian flu. Can people not get along without having something to fear? Do we actually need the boogie man to be able to sleep at night? I would blame the media, but they are just giving people what they want.
After 9-11, the media went on endlessly about how bad the economy was as a result of the attacks. Even after the economy recovered and was doing well, they kept hounding on the fact that the economy was in shambles. After five years of doomsaying, the economy did tumble. But the economy is a self fulfilling system, so how much was caused by the predictions and how much by the actual conditions? I wonder if the economy could have had a minor "correction" instead of a recession, if people were more confident.
Anyway, as Gabriel Heatter used to say, "There is good news tonight." I made simple syrup for mint juleps. As the name implied, it is a rather simple process. Combine equal parts sugar and water and bring the liquid to a boil and make sure all of the sugar is dissolved. Then let it cool (although a couple of web sites suggested boiling for 5 minutes, I boiled a couple of minutes). Once the concoction was relatively cool, I poured it into three glasses. The first glass had unbruised mint leaves, the second bruised leaves, and the last was empty (which will be my control group). The glasses are now in the refridgerator steeping or controlling.
I do have to say, mint is powerfully strong smelling! When I opened the little package, I just about seized up from the smell. I'm curious as to how I'll feel about the smell tomorrow, or I suspect for a few weeks to come.
First of all, calling it swine flu is a misnomer. It is a flu that can live in people, birds and swine, but there hasn't been a documented case in swine! Secondly, the flu isn't that deadly. Annually the normal flu kills tens of thousands of people in the US alone, the so called swine flu is still in the double digits.
It really bothers me all the fear-mongering going around about the swine flu. Before that it was the avian flu. Can people not get along without having something to fear? Do we actually need the boogie man to be able to sleep at night? I would blame the media, but they are just giving people what they want.
After 9-11, the media went on endlessly about how bad the economy was as a result of the attacks. Even after the economy recovered and was doing well, they kept hounding on the fact that the economy was in shambles. After five years of doomsaying, the economy did tumble. But the economy is a self fulfilling system, so how much was caused by the predictions and how much by the actual conditions? I wonder if the economy could have had a minor "correction" instead of a recession, if people were more confident.
Anyway, as Gabriel Heatter used to say, "There is good news tonight." I made simple syrup for mint juleps. As the name implied, it is a rather simple process. Combine equal parts sugar and water and bring the liquid to a boil and make sure all of the sugar is dissolved. Then let it cool (although a couple of web sites suggested boiling for 5 minutes, I boiled a couple of minutes). Once the concoction was relatively cool, I poured it into three glasses. The first glass had unbruised mint leaves, the second bruised leaves, and the last was empty (which will be my control group). The glasses are now in the refridgerator steeping or controlling.
I do have to say, mint is powerfully strong smelling! When I opened the little package, I just about seized up from the smell. I'm curious as to how I'll feel about the smell tomorrow, or I suspect for a few weeks to come.
25 April 2009
Complaint
I dislike cigarette smoke, to put it mildly. Despise might be a more accurate term. As I was coming home from 6294 tonight, I had the misfortune of catching the very last train. When this has happened before, I didn't mind so much. Sure it is a little slower than normal (the last red line train waits for the last green line train and orange line train, so delays in either of those lines means a wait).
But tonight was an entirely different sort of issue. Two guys got on the train smoking cigarettes. There are a number of signs saying that it's illegal, but that didn't phase them. I told the guy to put out the cigarette, and he refused.
I won't go into the nitty-gritty, but it put me and everyone else on the train in an awkward position, although me more than most. If I had insisted, I know there was a good chance the confrontation would have escalated. I thought about pushing the call button, but again, an escalation would be likely. Even if I stood up, it could have been construed as a confrontational move. Also, if I had tried going forward to the talk to the conductor directly, there was a decent chance the doors would have closed and I would miss the last train.
There was more drama to the story, but my part ended when I got to my stop and informed the attendent at the station about the two guys who were smoking. I have no idea if anything will come of it (I doubt it), but... Actually, my part didn't quite end there, since I also wrote a message to the MBTA explaining the situation, and asking what a person is supposed to do.
On a slightly unrelated note (only relating in that it also happened on the train), I felt rather overdressed on the subway. Wearing a jacket and tie on the subway, on the first nice day (a weekend day none-the-less) made me stand out more than usual. Heck, wearing long pants put me in a very small minority.
P.S. I feel I should justify this posting a little bit more. I try to be the sort of person who is not upset by things. But sometimes something happens that really causes my blood to boil (and in this case triggers my asthma and causes my eyes to burn). Even though it is two in the morning, and I really should be going to bed, this had me wound up enough that blowing off steam writing a blog entry seems like the sane option.
But tonight was an entirely different sort of issue. Two guys got on the train smoking cigarettes. There are a number of signs saying that it's illegal, but that didn't phase them. I told the guy to put out the cigarette, and he refused.
I won't go into the nitty-gritty, but it put me and everyone else on the train in an awkward position, although me more than most. If I had insisted, I know there was a good chance the confrontation would have escalated. I thought about pushing the call button, but again, an escalation would be likely. Even if I stood up, it could have been construed as a confrontational move. Also, if I had tried going forward to the talk to the conductor directly, there was a decent chance the doors would have closed and I would miss the last train.
There was more drama to the story, but my part ended when I got to my stop and informed the attendent at the station about the two guys who were smoking. I have no idea if anything will come of it (I doubt it), but... Actually, my part didn't quite end there, since I also wrote a message to the MBTA explaining the situation, and asking what a person is supposed to do.
On a slightly unrelated note (only relating in that it also happened on the train), I felt rather overdressed on the subway. Wearing a jacket and tie on the subway, on the first nice day (a weekend day none-the-less) made me stand out more than usual. Heck, wearing long pants put me in a very small minority.
P.S. I feel I should justify this posting a little bit more. I try to be the sort of person who is not upset by things. But sometimes something happens that really causes my blood to boil (and in this case triggers my asthma and causes my eyes to burn). Even though it is two in the morning, and I really should be going to bed, this had me wound up enough that blowing off steam writing a blog entry seems like the sane option.
Alumni Weekend
April 29, 1864 was the date of the founding of my fraternity. Every year to commemorate the anniversary every chapter has a Founder's day celebration called 6294. My chapter, the fourth chapter, Delta, was also founded on April 29, but 1885. So we've been at MIT almost as long as MIT has been around.
Anyway, this weekend is the celebration, so the tradition is to have a BBQ at the house, then go play an alumni vs. actives baseball game. Everyone then gets cleaned up and we return to the house later that night to have a "nice" dinner. Quite a few alumni come back to the house for this event, depending on the year. Some pledge classes coordinate, so their entire class tries to come back, even if they are spread across the country.
I just got back from the softball portion of the event. After 4 innings or so, the alumni's lead was in the double digits. The alumni virtually always win the event, and it's not always because we cheat and get to bend the rules (the alumni bat first and last, for instance). I hadn't intended on playing, but since pretty much everyone was as bad as I am, and as disinclined to running, I decided to play a bit. Although I did leave early as the sun started to get too much for me. Hopefully I didn't get sunburned, for which I largely thank my baseball cap (since a bald head is prone to burning). Anyway, I went 2 for 3 and scored a run.
The turnout this year has been much better than last year. Of course, last year was maybe 60 degrees and cloudy (which for me was wonderful) and this year was 80 and sunny. So that could have had something to do with it. Hopefully even more people will be at the dinner tonight.
Now, I have an hour or so to recover, get cleaned up and head back for the dinner.
Anyway, this weekend is the celebration, so the tradition is to have a BBQ at the house, then go play an alumni vs. actives baseball game. Everyone then gets cleaned up and we return to the house later that night to have a "nice" dinner. Quite a few alumni come back to the house for this event, depending on the year. Some pledge classes coordinate, so their entire class tries to come back, even if they are spread across the country.
I just got back from the softball portion of the event. After 4 innings or so, the alumni's lead was in the double digits. The alumni virtually always win the event, and it's not always because we cheat and get to bend the rules (the alumni bat first and last, for instance). I hadn't intended on playing, but since pretty much everyone was as bad as I am, and as disinclined to running, I decided to play a bit. Although I did leave early as the sun started to get too much for me. Hopefully I didn't get sunburned, for which I largely thank my baseball cap (since a bald head is prone to burning). Anyway, I went 2 for 3 and scored a run.
The turnout this year has been much better than last year. Of course, last year was maybe 60 degrees and cloudy (which for me was wonderful) and this year was 80 and sunny. So that could have had something to do with it. Hopefully even more people will be at the dinner tonight.
Now, I have an hour or so to recover, get cleaned up and head back for the dinner.
20 April 2009
Two blogs in two days...
I know it's hardly setting the world on fire, but I haven't blogged this consistently since I started this thing. Actually, thinking back to why I started the blog makes me wonder if there wasn't something subconscious going on.
I started this blog when I was moving from California. I thought it might be easier to give everyone the blog address and just post messages here letting everyone know how the move and the home-hunting was going. Once I moved in, I had a lot less to blog about.
Not that there is so much more excitement in my life right now... Well, I suppose there might be, but writing this is also a form of procrastination, I should probably be going to bed instead of sending out thoughts to the ether.
Anyway, today wasn't a very good day, as far as days go. Really Friday was a bad day, but I didn't realize that Friday was a bad day until today, making today the bad day instead. It isn't the day itself that is bad, so much as the news it brings, or the results of the news.
In this case, I came in this morning and found that the work I had done on Friday wasn't saved. I don't know if I accidently forget to save it, or if there was some glitch that caused it not to save, or what, but the result was the same, I had to redo the work. Luckily doing it a second time was easier and faster, but it was still annoying to do something twice. So that was information that would have made Friday a bad day, and instead made today a bad day.
The other bit of information was that the big contract that my company was hoping for, and for which I put in a ton of effort, didn't happen. The announcement was sent out on Friday after I left work. Since I didn't check my email after I left work on Friday, the news was waiting for me when I got in this morning.
Neither outcome was particularly devastating, but they both came as a blow to the psyche. The one two punch definitely left a hollow feeling in me for most of the day.
One of the real ironies is that I am procrastinating going to bed, by writing what a psychic blow today has been. But, I have always found that when I get this hollow feeling in my gut, the best and often only solution is sleep. Whatever pain or difficulty caused the feelings remains the next day, but the hollow feeling goes away, letting me work through it.
Anyway, I should at least brush my teeth...
I started this blog when I was moving from California. I thought it might be easier to give everyone the blog address and just post messages here letting everyone know how the move and the home-hunting was going. Once I moved in, I had a lot less to blog about.
Not that there is so much more excitement in my life right now... Well, I suppose there might be, but writing this is also a form of procrastination, I should probably be going to bed instead of sending out thoughts to the ether.
Anyway, today wasn't a very good day, as far as days go. Really Friday was a bad day, but I didn't realize that Friday was a bad day until today, making today the bad day instead. It isn't the day itself that is bad, so much as the news it brings, or the results of the news.
In this case, I came in this morning and found that the work I had done on Friday wasn't saved. I don't know if I accidently forget to save it, or if there was some glitch that caused it not to save, or what, but the result was the same, I had to redo the work. Luckily doing it a second time was easier and faster, but it was still annoying to do something twice. So that was information that would have made Friday a bad day, and instead made today a bad day.
The other bit of information was that the big contract that my company was hoping for, and for which I put in a ton of effort, didn't happen. The announcement was sent out on Friday after I left work. Since I didn't check my email after I left work on Friday, the news was waiting for me when I got in this morning.
Neither outcome was particularly devastating, but they both came as a blow to the psyche. The one two punch definitely left a hollow feeling in me for most of the day.
One of the real ironies is that I am procrastinating going to bed, by writing what a psychic blow today has been. But, I have always found that when I get this hollow feeling in my gut, the best and often only solution is sleep. Whatever pain or difficulty caused the feelings remains the next day, but the hollow feeling goes away, letting me work through it.
Anyway, I should at least brush my teeth...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)